For many couples, the idea of writing wedding vows can feel a little intimidating.
You might be wondering:
“What am I actually supposed to say?”
Or perhaps:
“What if I sound awkward?”
The reassuring thing to know is that wedding vows don’t need to be perfect or poetic. They simply need to be honest.
Your vows are a moment to speak directly to the person you’re marrying — to reflect on your relationship and make the promises that matter most to you both.
And with a little structure, writing them can feel much easier than you might expect.
At their heart, wedding vows are promises.
They’re a way of expressing the commitment you’re making and the life you’re choosing to build together.
Some couples prefer traditional wording, while others choose to write their own vows.
Many couples find a balance between the two — keeping the structure of traditional vows while adding a few personal words.
There isn’t a single “right” way to do it.
What matters most is that the words feel genuine and comfortable for you.
If you're unsure where to begin, it can help to follow a simple structure.
Most personalised vows include four gentle parts.
Start by reflecting briefly on your relationship.
You might mention:
• how you met
• a moment that changed everything
• what you admire most about your partner
• how your relationship has grown
This helps your vows feel personal and grounded.
Next, talk about what you value about your partner.
This might include:
• qualities you admire
• the ways they support you
• how they make you feel
• the life you’re building together
These reflections often become some of the most meaningful lines in the vows.
This is the heart of the vows.
Your promises don’t need to be complicated. Often the most powerful ones are simple and sincere.
For example:
• I promise to support your dreams
• I promise to stand beside you through life’s challenges
• I promise to keep laughing with you, even on difficult days
Your vows are simply the commitments you want to carry into your marriage.
Many couples finish their vows with a simple statement of love or commitment.
Something like:
“I choose you, today and always.”
or
“I promise to walk beside you for the rest of our lives.”
A gentle closing brings the vows to a natural conclusion.
A good length for wedding vows is usually around one to two minutes each.
This allows enough time to express meaningful thoughts without the moment feeling overwhelming.
In most cases, this equals around 120–200 words.
If you keep your vows sincere and focused, they will feel natural for both you and your guests.
Many couples worry about sounding awkward.
A few simple tips can help.
Your vows should sound like you.
Avoid trying to write in a way that feels overly formal or poetic.
Simple, sincere words are always more powerful.
You don’t need dramatic language to express something meaningful.
Often the most touching vows are the ones that feel honest and grounded.
Many couples include a light hearted moment.
This might be a small observation about your relationship or a shared habit that makes you smile.
It helps the vows feel relaxed and real.
Reading your vows aloud once or twice before the ceremony can help them feel more comfortable.
You’ll quickly notice if anything sounds unnatural and can adjust the wording.
One of the most important things to remember is that vows don’t need to be perfect.
They simply need to be sincere.
Guests are rarely listening for polished speeches.
They’re listening for the feeling behind your words.
When your vows reflect your relationship honestly, they often become one of the most memorable moments of the entire ceremony.
Many couples feel nervous about writing vows at first.
But once they begin reflecting on their relationship, the words often come more naturally than expected.
As a celebrant, one of the things I love most is helping couples shape vows that feel comfortable and meaningful for them.
If you’re beginning to think about your ceremony and would like some gentle guidance with your vows, you’re always welcome to get in touch for a relaxed conversation.
Sometimes talking things through makes the process feel much easier.
If you're starting to think about your vows and would like a little more guidance, I’ve created a simple vow writing guide for couples.
It includes:
• a gentle step-by-step structure
• helpful prompts to get started
• examples of natural, meaningful vows
• tips to help you feel confident sharing them
You can download it here:
→ Download the Wedding Vow Writing Guide
Sometimes having a few prompts makes the process feel much easier.
Wedding vows are usually one to two minutes long, which is around 120–200 words. This keeps the moment meaningful without feeling too long.
No. Some couples prefer traditional vows, while others choose to write their own. Many couples combine traditional wording with personal reflections.
They don’t need to be identical, but it can help if they are roughly similar in length so the ceremony feels balanced.
Yes. Many celebrants guide couples through writing their vows and offer suggestions so the words feel natural and comfortable.
Most couples begin writing their vows one to two months before the wedding so they have time to reflect and revise them if needed.
If you're planning your ceremony, these guides may also help: